I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
