i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
