So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
