all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
