I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
