I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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