pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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