Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
