I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
