I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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