Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
