how can u be prego again
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
