WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
