what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
