I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
