Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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