When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
