You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
