Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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