i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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