capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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