There is no way he is gay with that hair.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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