one two three fourrrrnication!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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