That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
