all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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