bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
