i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
