dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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