I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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