Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
