Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
