I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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