8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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