a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
