It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
