as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize