Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
