Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize