i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My breasts were aching with rage.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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