I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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