i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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