Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
