In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
