4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
