why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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