I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
