Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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