The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
