My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
