Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
