Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
