is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
