I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
