She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
