Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
