There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
