can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
