at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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