No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
