Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
