All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My cat gives me a boner
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
