your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
