In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
