**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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