she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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