i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
