I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
